this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
