Sponge bath it is.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
