Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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