Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Randomize
