I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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