I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
how do flat chested girls get laid?
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Randomize
