don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
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