My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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