Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
