i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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