mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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