i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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