I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
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