I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Randomize
