Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Randomize
