Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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