Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Randomize
