I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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