They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
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