Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I think I sprained my soul last night
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
