I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
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