shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
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