apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
