She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
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