It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
