he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
