I could make wine with my vomit
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
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