My liver just broke up with me...
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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