this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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