Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
