I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I think a kid would responsible me up
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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