Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
