you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
