I like to think it a success when the cops are called
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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