There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
