Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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