It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
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