so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
