Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
