seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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