May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
