i just google imaged poop.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
