You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
now i know why i became what i already was.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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