isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
