Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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