they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
