just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
