I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
