just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Randomize
