I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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