can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
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