Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
