i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
