If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
