careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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