There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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