I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Randomize
