i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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