What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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