Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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