So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
