Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
