if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
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