i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
