So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
