youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
