the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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