the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
