You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
everyone is single if you try hard enough
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
