I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
She bit a glass in half.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
