I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
