your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
