Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
