So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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