I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
