just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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