Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
