I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Randomize
