just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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