My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
