Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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