apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
