i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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