I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
