If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
