oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
