cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
it's like heaven, but drunker
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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