bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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