i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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