I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Randomize
