I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
