Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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