I'm really into asian looking animals
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
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