You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
