she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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