make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
