and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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