I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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