Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
