I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
