I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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