She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
