youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Also, beer. Big fan.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
