I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
