so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
The uberlube is also flammable
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
